There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
ok first of all what the fuck
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
