I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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