You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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