I heard we made out
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
