puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
