I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
