Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
