everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
