Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
