She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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