I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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