There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
