I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
