I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
