so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
