Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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