genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
