hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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