Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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