So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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