While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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