I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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