And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
