i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
