he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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