Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
