He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
