nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
