Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
