do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
