That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
