Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
