so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
