i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
