just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
