so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
