Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
