My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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