I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
