i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
