I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
