he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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