i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
whose ass print is on the piano?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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