if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
