dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize