I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
