Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
