I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
