ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Randomize
