Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
