You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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